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Life & Times Transcript

5/28/07

Val Zavala>> Tonight on a special Memorial Day edition of Life and Times --

We focus on the Iraq War, the veterans, those who have fallen and the wounded survivors.

Tonia Sargent>> So I approached the bed and reached down and kissed him on the forehead and held his hand and I said, "I know that you can't speak, but just squeeze my hand if you know who I am." He did.

It's all straight ahead on tonight's Life and Times.

Announcer>> Life and Times is made possible through the generous support of the L.K. Whittier Foundation dedicated to improving the quality of life by supporting innovative endeavors in the fields of medicine, health, science and education.

And by a generous grant from Jim and Anne Rothenberg.

Val Zavala>> It's the moment every parent with a child in Iraq dreads, the sight of two servicemen walking up the driveway. They know even before the knock on the door that the news will change their lives. Toni Guinyard went to the town of Hemet where they've lost five young people in the war and she speaks very personally with the families who've made the ultimate sacrifice.

Toni Guinyard>> Their faces stare out from the newspaper pages, photos of United States soldiers killed in action accompanied by words that struggle to tell their stories. They are casualties of the war in Iraq, men and women whose families fight through grief to keep their memories alive.

Gail Farnsworth>> I miss my son terribly.

Toni Guinyard>> Gail Farnsworth's son, Army Specialist Jason Chappell, was killed January 2004. He was a newlywed. He was only twenty-two years old.

Gail Farnsworth>> It's been rough, but we're going to survive. We're survivors.

Toni Guinyard>> Survivors, families who, in many cases, are compelled to share their personal loss publicly and later mourn privately. Each passing day becomes an exercise in balancing the need to move on with the overwhelming desire to hold tight to every memory.

Gail Farnsworth>> I know we have to go on and it's hard. I exist. I don't really live. Even now, I have to say that I basically just exist. I have no fight left in me and I don't know if I ever will again.

[Film Clip]

Toni Guinyard>> A videotape detailing Jason's life from birth to the battlefield gives his mother and stepfather some comfort. The good times at a theme park, at school and graduation day.

Gail Farnsworth>> Jason was a brilliant student, straight A's through most of high school. He was on the academic decathlon. He had so many choices open to him, Toni, that he just thought, "I don't know what I want to do." He was overwhelmed, so he decided that he would join the Army and help him get an education, the money, and he joined in July of 2001 right before 9/11 and that's when everything went downhill.

Toni Guinyard>> Farnsworth remembers the exact moment her life changed. She and her husband arrived home. A car was parked outside. It was the Army notifying her that Jason was dead.

Gail Farnsworth>> All I could say at that time was, "My God, no. My God, no" and all I wanted to do was go to bed and wake up and have the nightmare over, but it wasn't a nightmare.

Mitchell Farnsworth>> I keep telling all these people I know that are saying their kids are going into the service that I hope they come back because mine never made it back home.

Gail Farnsworth>> I'm constantly asking why, just as I'm sure many of the other mothers and everyone does. Why? Why him? He had so much going for him.

Mitchell Farnsworth>> If I stay working, I don't think about it as much. But I get reminded every single day. I got people saluting me, I've got people stopping me on the freeways and everything, just to say thank you.

Toni Guinyard>> They see the back of your truck?

Mitchell Farnsworth>> Right.

Toni Guinyard>> You smile.

Mitchell Farnsworth>> Oh, yeah. I'm proud of my son. I'm very proud of him.

Toni Guinyard>> Their pride is reflected in the flags flying outside their Hemet home and in the decals placed on the windows of their cars. They want the public to know about their son, what he accomplished in life and the impact of his death.

Mitchell Farnsworth>> I think it's lasted too long now, the war, to tell you the truth. I don't know. I'm getting second thoughts now. Maybe we should get out of there before we lose any more people total, not just from Hemet.

Gail Farnsworth>> I don't wish this pain on anybody. I don't want to see any more Hemet grads sacrificing, but to tell you the truth, freedom is not free. It comes with a price. My son believed in what he was doing.

Toni Guinyard>> Chappell was the first of several Hemet high school graduates to die in the Iraqi War. Corporal Michael Estrella was the second.

Maria Estrella>> There are children that we're losing and it's hard to hear every time there's another casualty that another family is going through what we're going through.

Toni Guinyard>> Estrella survived a tour of duty in Afghanistan, but was killed in Iraq in June 2006.

Maria Estrella>> It's hard. The attention we get here in the community, everyone cares. You can tell that everyone cares. Flags are half-staff and it's to recognize these boys as a person and not as a number.

Toni Guinyard>> Estrella's death received a lot of media attention because of a number. He was the 2500th United States military casualty in the Iraqi War. The number has significance to his family.

Maria Estrella>> His birthday is on the 25th, August 25, twenty-five. His death was 6/14/06. Six is the six children that I have. And it was scary. It was weird the way everything just matched. But his number, the 2500th, it stood out.

Toni Guinyard>> It means something to you.

Maria Estrella>> It meant something.

Toni Guinyard>> So does his Purple Heart, his gloves and hat, his uniform, his shoes. Michael's belongings are now treasured and displayed in the family's home.

Maria Estrella>> We have his high school class ring, his bracelet and necklace that he wore.

Toni Guinyard>> There is one thing his family almost lost for good. Michael was stationed in Hawaii. Before leaving for Iraq, he shipped his car home for safekeeping.

Maria Estrella>> We buried him on a Saturday and on Monday morning when he woke up, his car was gone. It was like them taking him all over again because that was something he sent to me to take care of. When he passed, he had his car keys in his pocket, so it was very hard for me to know that his car was gone.

I called 9-1-1 and I told them it's not the value of the car, but it's what it meant. It was his. For someone just to take it is not right. They found it that evening and it's missing some parts, but we're getting it fixed slowly for him. As soon as it's fixed, we're going to Riverside National and taking it to him.

Toni Guinyard>> Michael is buried at Riverside National Cemetery because of something he said during the family's last outing together just four months before he died.

Maria Estrella>> We decided to stop at my grandfather's house. My grandfather is also a veteran of war. Both he and Michael were chit-chatting about war and their goals and stuff. My grandfather was dying of cancer and he told Michael, "I'm going to be buried at Riverside National" and Michael said, "Me too."

Toni Guinyard>> He was her oldest child. He was their big brother, a Marine Corporal who was more than just a number. He was a young man with dreams and goals.

Maria Estrella>> It's been difficult. Still expecting him to walk through that door, still expecting the calls, still thinking he's still in Iraq, that he'll be coming home.

Toni Guinyard>> She knows he won't be coming home, but by wearing his dog tags --

Maria Estrella>> This is something I want to wear because he was wearing them.

Toni Guinyard>> Even in death, Michael is with her every day. I'm Toni Guinyard for Life and Times.

Announcer>> Kcet.org is the place to look for the very latest on Life and Times. You'll find previews of upcoming stories, plus transcripts and audio of past episodes and links to some of our most interesting features. Just go to kcet.org, scroll down the page and click on "Life and Times".

Val Zavala>> It's a small town of about sixty-five thousand people, but it's borne more than its share of Iraq casualties. Five young people, all from one high school, have died in the war. Toni Guinyard went to the town of Hemet about two hours southeast of Los Angeles and she talked with some Vietnam vets who say that they feel a special bond toward the Iraq soldiers because you can't understand war unless you've been through it.

Richard Cabrera>> "Hemet is a very patriotic town."

Toni Guinyard>> The Riverside County community of Hemet has suffered a devastating series of losses in the war in Iraq. It has to do with the number of one-time residents killed in action.

Larry Stroud>> It's very hard to put your finger on as to why Hemet has as many KIAs as we do. I don't know if anybody knows that maybe besides God.

Toni Guinyard>> Vietnam vet Larry Stroud is Commander of the Veterans of Foreign Wars, Post 12023 in Hemet.

Larry Stroud>> Our community is becoming well-known throughout the nation because of the per capita of people that we have living here in relationship to the number of troops that have been killed out of one high school.

Toni Guinyard>> It's tough to talk about the Iraq War casualties without mentioning Hemet High. On the second floor at one end of its Freedom Tron is a small plaque with the names and images of five Hemet High graduates who have been killed in the Iraq conflict. The names read like roll call: Jason Chappell, Class of 2000; Charles Sare, Class of 2001; Michael Estrella, Class of 2003; Ken Stanton, Class of 2004; and Keith Yoakum, Class of 1984.

Larry Stroud>> What most people don't realize yet is that there's three more in this valley that have been killed in action from San Jacinto Unified School District and two other high schools in the area, but Hemet has the most per capita in the state of California.

Toni Guinyard>> And the state of California has more Iraq War casualties, three hundred fifty-four at the time this report was written, than any other state in the nation, some of whom are buried at Riverside National Cemetery, the final resting place for veterans of wars past and present.

Sergeant Charles Hayes>> "I'm fifty feet behind the truck."

Toni Guinyard>> At our request, Commander Stroud assembled a group of Hemet's VFW members. We wanted to hear from them and wondered how the wartime deaths have affected each of them and this city of just over sixty-six thousand.

Sergeant Charles Hayes>> I was almost one of them, you know. I thank God every day that I'm home.

Toni Guinyard>> Army Sergeant Charles Hayes is a former Hemet High student and a Purple Heart veteran. He served in Iraq with his older brother, Jason, a member of the Army National Guard.

Jason Hayes>> September 8, 2004, my brother hit an IED.

Sergeant Charles Hayes>> Almost being killed, I'm more thankful for my children. Every day that I'm here with them is great.

Jason Hayes>> He was out for about a month and then he told the PA, "I need to go back out there with my guys. I can't be here. I need to go back out there with my guys" and he got back out there.

Toni Guinyard>> Proud of your brother.

Jason Hayes>> I'm proud of my brother just like I know he's proud of me and our dad is very proud of both of us. He's told us that.

Larry Stroud>> At the time that they joined, they didn't know there was going to be a 9/11. They didn't know that there was going to be an enormous increase in terrorist activity throughout the world. But at the age that they are, I'm proud to know them as friends.

Toni Guinyard>> Vietnam vet Jim Alvarez is a Purple Heart recipient retired from the Navy. Fellow Vietnam vet, Richard Cabrera, a Bronze Star with V for Valor and Purple Heart recipient is retired from the Army. Pam Stroud, Commander Stroud's wife, joined in the conversation. We sat back and learned by listening.

Sergeant Charles Hayes>> It's almost easier to be there because you have more sense of purpose and you know what you're going to do every day.

Jason Hayes>> Yeah, I was one of the lucky ones. I came home along with my brother. But if I had a chance to go back, I would go back to Iraq.

Sergeant Charles Hayes>> You have a sense of pride in what you're doing. You're fighting for your country over there.

Pam Stroud>> It's always bothered me that kids -- and I say kids because eighteen and nineteen years old, they're kids that go over there and fight.

Sergeant Charles Hayes>> I wish I could still be over there fighting next to my other battle buddies.

Richard Cabrera>> But I'm sure they're going to have some anger issues, but that will pass within time and with some help.

Jim Alvarez>> A lot of them open up to you because I can relate to them.

Toni Guinyard>> What's there to understand?

Jim Alvarez>> You have to understand that only a veteran can understand what war smells like, the taste of war, the smell of war. There's a lot of sounds.

Larry Stroud>> There's a terminology that we have, that we've shared canteens together in different wars. We've hunkered down in bunkers so far that you feel like you want to take your shirt off because you can't get any closer.

Jim Alvarez>> There was a famous line in one of the movies of Coppola's. One of the soldiers said, "Oh, I love the smell of napalm." Well, to me, it's terror. It's terror because I got to see people burned. I had to pick up those bodies.

Sergeant Charles Hayes>> It doesn't matter what anybody says in the Congress or the Senate, you know. They don't know exactly what we go through over there.

Richard Cabrera>> You don't understand that, once you've been in combat, the comradeship that you have. You will feel closer and willing to talk about certain issues to guys who have been in combat than you would your wife.

Larry Stroud>> I don't have a problem saying that he and I have cried together. We've actually broken down and consoled each other because we don't want to talk about stuff when we're together, but it just naturally comes out.

Richard Cabrera>> My wife doesn't understand how I can be closer to Larry as opposed to her.

Larry Stroud>> Never knew him before, but now I would give my life for him tomorrow, absolutely. Any four of these guys behind me.

Pam Stroud>> When Larry came back, when they came back from Vietnam, they got spit on. You know, that's not right.

Richard Cabrera>> I'm glad that these men are getting welcomed the way they are compared to the way we were when we got back from Vietnam.

Jason Hayes>> Coming home, being welcomed home, it's a great feeling. It's a good feeling to be welcomed home, having somebody walk up to you and say, "Thank you and welcome home."

Richard Cabrera>> I want them to understand that, when these guys come back, you need to support them still. You need to thank them. Let them know you appreciate what they did.

Sergeant Charles Hayes>> You know, when I used to say the Pledge of Allegiance in school, it never had too much meaning for me until I joined the military and served my country on a foreign soil.

Pam Stroud>> It doesn't matter to me if we believe in the war or not. We need to step up and support them.

Larry Stroud>> Don't agree with the president or agree with the president, but support the troops, bottom line. That makes me upset and I can be verbally upsetting if I understand that somebody is badmouthing the war and downplaying the role of the troops. Disrespect the decision to go, but don't disrespect the troops because that makes me fighting mad.

Toni Guinyard>> They are fathers and mothers and sons and daughters that want little more than be told thank you and welcome home. I'm Toni Guinyard for Life and Times.

Announcer>> To send a comment or a question to our program, you can reach us by mail at this address:

Life and Times
4401 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, California 90027

You can also call our viewer comment line (323) 953-5555) or contact us the fast way by e-mail at kcet.org.

Val Zavala>> Her husband came back from Iraq, shot in the eye, virtually blind, part of his brain removed. But what really made Tonia Sargent angry was the way her husband was treated. She had to step in and take over physical therapy and then she went on a campaign for other military wives. As Hena Cuevas tells us, this woman is a force to be reckoned with.

Hena Cuevas>> Every morning, Tonia Sargent and her husband, Kenny, take a walk on the beach. Each step is part of Kenny's difficult road to recovery. Two years ago, he was wounded in Iraq.

Kenny Sargent>> You see the scar that goes all the way down my neck. The biggest thing is, I lost so much blood when I got injured that I almost died because of that.

Hena Cuevas>> Kenny and Tonia are celebrating twenty years of marriage. They have two daughters. They're fully aware of the toll injuries take on marriages. The divorce rate among injured military couples is a stunning ninety percent.

Tonia Sargent>> That was his biggest concern from the beginning. It was "you're going to leave me". I said, "I'm never going to leave you. I will always be here to take care of you."

Hena Cuevas>> It was August 2005 and Kenny, then thirty-six years old, was a Master Sergeant with the Marines. He'd been in the first Gulf war and was back for his second tour. He'd only been in Iraq for four months when his convoy was ambushed. Tonia was back in Camp Pendleton. The afternoon of August 5, the phone rang. It was an officer from her husband's unit.

Tonia Sargent>> And then those words come across the line, you know, "Has anyone been to the house?", which to a military spouse is not what you want to hear. I said no one has been to the house and he asked, "Are you sure?" I said, "Is he dead?" He said, "No, but it doesn't look good."

Kenny Sargent>> Fortunately, one of the rounds ricocheted off the door latch. It went in my right eye, went through and came out the left side of my head. It put a hole in my head about the size of your hand.

Tonia Sargent>> They talked about the eyes, the ears, loss of brain, not stable.

Hena Cuevas>> What goes through your mind at that time?

Tonia Sargent>> Everything. You know, your whole life, your future.

Hena Cuevas>> The first glimpse she got of her injured husband was this photograph in the New York Times.

Tonia Sargent>> It was not an intimate photograph. I mean, you know, a bandage, but you could see that he was able to interact.

Hena Cuevas>> Eventually, she was able to fly to the Navy Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland.

Tonia Sargent>> So before I walked in, I just took that deep breath and put that smile on and walked over to a man that I did not recognize. Swollen head, staples all around, dried blood, bruises, tears. So I approached the bed and reached down and kissed him on the forehead and held his hand and I said, "I know that you can't speak, but just squeeze my hand if you know who I am." He did.

Hena Cuevas>> Kenny, nicknamed Gunny, had lost a fourth of his skull and two inches of his brain. His jaw was shattered and half of his face was paralyzed. He also couldn't speak. He was blind in one eye with only partial vision in the other.

Tonia Sargent>> I just remember telling him, "Gunny, we can build on this." Because my biggest fear was that he may not be able to see me, hear me, speak to me, may never remember me. He was my best friend and still is and to have someone not remember you after eighteen years, how do you rebuild memories?

Hena Cuevas>> He stayed in the hospital for a month with Tonia by his side day and night. It was during this time that she began feeling abandoned by the system. She had no money, her daughters were at home alone. She needed support, financial and otherwise, but it wasn't there.

Tonia Sargent>> I should have been taken to Navy Relief, had money in my pocket. My children had to stay here. There was no one checking on my children, no Chaplain Services, no Counseling Services, no Family Services, no one. To leave a fifteen and a seventeen year old here with no one?

Hena Cuevas>> After Maryland, Kenny got transferred to the Veterans Hospital in northern California, but Tonia says that she didn't quite have the same level of support there, plus she felt she couldn't take care of him the same way that she had in the past. So after only a few months, she decided to move back to Camp Pendleton and take care of Kenny at home.

Tonia Sargent>> "Look, look, look, then come down."

Kenny Sargent>> "Yeah, it feels much stronger on this side."

Tonia Sargent>> "Yeah, I know."

Hena Cuevas>> Tonia was an aerobics instructor. She decided to step in and give Kenny the long-term physical therapy he needed. Every day, she works with him in the makeshift gym in their garage. He's come a long way in two years.

Tonia Sargent>> "And then lift this arm up. This arm, right? I want you to bring it up so that this touches the ear. No (laughter), cheater."

Hena Cuevas>> To engage his brain, Tonia has him working on wood furniture among other things.

Tonia Sargent>> Because the things they would give him in therapy would be like play with Legos and he didn't want to play with Legos. He's a Marine. So I would give him things -- you know, he's a mechanic by trade. I would give him things to tinker with. Well, here the lawnmower's broken. Well, I had every intention of buying a new lawnmower, but I can let him tear it apart, replace the spark plugs and just invest in his thought process and problem-solving. "You want to drive or shall I drive (laughter)?"

Hena Cuevas>> She also made sure he went out in public.

Tonia Sargent>> My daughters would often say, "Mom, people are staring at us" because my husband would remove his helmet and he had no skull. I would sit up nice and tall and I would tell them, "I want people to look at us. I want them to see your father and I want them to see our family because we're casualties of this war. If we're too ugly to look at, then they should look away. But if we're not, they should question and, hopefully, they will come and thank him." Nine times out of ten, they would come and thank him.

Hena Cuevas>> His eyelashes have to be plucked, as well as fluid applied to his injured eye.

Tonia Sargent>> His nervous system and the brain were traumatized, so there are secondary things with bladder, stomach, possible seizures. And my biggest fear is that I've nurtured him back to this loving, functional man and I don't want to see him deteriorate slowly and be taken from me.

Hena Cuevas>> He tires easily, so every afternoon he takes a nap. These two hours give Tonia a much-needed break.

Tonia Sargent>> To leave him alone for more than two hours at a time, which two hours is way too long, is major anxiety. He's afraid something will happen to me and he's left alone. I'm afraid something will happen to me, so I have to not only plan for life, but I have to plan for death.

Hena Cuevas>> What kind of toll has it taken on you to bring him back to the level that he is today?

Tonia Sargent>> I have given a hundred percent of me to recover him, which leaves nothing for me. But I try to take the negative and recycle it to empower me and to encourage me.

Hena Cuevas>> Are there any moments that you ever say, "I'm just going to give up and I'm getting out of here."?

Tonia Sargent>> Every day, every day.

Hena Cuevas>> But she hasn't. In fact, she's found the energy to help other military families through work with nonprofit groups like Soldier Fund and Operation Homefront and she's sharing her story with anyone who will listen. She's gotten extensive media coverage and she's been the keynote speaker at events for military families. But she wants to do even more. She wants to set up a foundation to make sure others get the support she hasn't.

Kenny Sargent>> I'm fortunate that my wife is here by my side because, even though she doesn't realize it, she does a lot for me, more than anybody's ever done before.

Hena Cuevas>> The Sargents are living in military housing waiting for his veterans benefits to kick in. As for a regular job with a steady paycheck for Tonia, that's out of the question. For now, this is her full-time job.

Tonia Sargent>> I have to understand how he feels on the inside so that I can nurture that and complement that because my job -- I use this analogy. He's the flag, I'm the pole. As a spouse, I complement my warrior.

[Film Clip]

Hena Cuevas>> I'm Hena Cuevas for Life and Times.

Val Zavala>> And that's our program. I'm Val Zavala. Thanks for watching. We'll see you next time.

Announcer>> Life and Times was made possible through the generous support of the L.K. Whittier Foundation dedicated to improving the quality of life by supporting innovative endeavors in the fields of medicine, health, science and education.

And by a generous grant from Jim and Anne Rothenberg.

Sponsored in part by:


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