The Off Ramp
.*(This is a parody of the-entryway.com, please see below for more information)
I am a reporter living with a bunch of women.
From: Los Feliz
Now in: The Valley
To: learn what life is like north of the 134 and west of the 405 so that I can better report back to my friends who refuse to go north of the 134 and west of the 405. We are known as the "East of Sepulvedas" and I am moving into another part of the county.
Day One
I have embedded myself here in the Valley to learn how that half lives in that half of Los Angeles county. It took me a couple of hours on Craigslist to find a room to rent, I emailed right away, but it took them days to get back to me, it must be a rule from that movie "Swingers", where you don't call back right away and play hard to rent. But once they did call back, I hopped over with my small roll away of KMS shampoo and conditioner and spin shoes. It took longer than I had expected because of a police car chase on the 101, but I did get to the apartment only five minutes late.
I knocked on the door and Erin answered. She sure was perky. I had high hopes right then, that I was going to fit right in. As I scanned the small living room, I noticed my favorite fashion magazines scattered about, "wow" I thought, this is going to be just great!
Then I saw a pair of fake Ugg boots, I pretended not to notice, just look the other way I said to myself.
Erin lead me down the short hallway and pointed towards the room next to the Pottery Barn modular wine rack with glass hutch. My room was small, but to my surprise, I was to share it with Pinky. Pinky looked at me and went back to sorting out her headshots. Hey, I am willing to own up to my mistake in not reading the Craigslist ad all the way through and reading that I was going to bunk with Pinky. I am willing to be labeled as the clueless "East of Sepulveda" native, and I am EOS, by the way really EOS, maybe the most EOS of all the EOS people I know. I get nervous just crossing past La Brea. In at least one case, Target built a store in Glendale just so that I could avoid commuting.
Day Two
It was Thursday night and we were all sitting in the living room watching The Office on the flat screen. My new roommates are Erin (she's the perky one), Cheryl (she's the blogger), Rachelle (she's the Vegan) and Pinky (she's the one that refuses to acknowledge my existence). After finding out that using Cheryl's Kiehl's soap was a big NO-NO, I found that by sharing my dermatology samples that it smoothed over the collective ruffled feathers.
Day Five
Sorry I skipped a few days. The girls and I drove to Vegas for the weekend. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, that's what Rachelle told me.
Day Seven
Skipped some more days. I sooo love Pilates, Cheryl teaches over at Equinox, so I got in for free. Sorry got to run, doing a cleanse.
Day 12
OMG. I am so bad about updating. Pinky finally is talking to me, only because I gave her the James Perse shirt I got from the girl who lives next door who got it from her boyfriend that she just broke up with. Pinky has shared with me her uber secret strategies of living West of the 405.
Strategy One: Don't go east of the 405, unless it's for some screening and make sure you have a GPS.
Strategy Two: There's nothing east of the 405 that you can't get here. I mean there's the Sherman Oaks Fashion Square!
Strategy Three: Never look those perfume sample ladies in the eyes. Just walk fast and straight to the MAC counter.
Strategy Four: Don't move. Stay west of the 405.
Strategy Five through Eight: Pinky's strategies five to eight came from a list at the back of Los Angeles Magazine about the latest finds on Ventura Blvd.
All I wanted was to see life on the other side of that 12 lane freeway, all I wanted was their take on life on that side, I am a journalist, I asked them, I asked Erin when we were at spin class, I asked the barista at the Coffee Bean and Tea. But they just were not that interesting. But its too late, now that I've tasted the Jamba on this side of town, I can't go back east of Sepulveda.
*This is a Parody:
This posting was inspired by the true life blog called the-entryway.com by two white female journalists who have bravely embedded themselves into MacArthur Park for a year starting last February with a family from Mexico. You can read about their journey into self-discovery and toilet paper disposal here.
For a brilliant dissection of the-entryway go to Daniel Hernandez's blog Intersections.
Image: Ophelia Chong / Weiner Mobile
