Paul Greenstein

Paul Greenstein

Paul Greenstein was born at an early age to a family of tamed Hyenas, and suckled by she-wolves. At the age of 9, whilst studying his law books by candlelight, Paul was abducted from his small cabin in the Kentucky hills by Barbary pirates, and forced to carryout their nefarious schemes. In the summer of 1818, during a raid, he and another pirate compatriot were captured by Luchadores from the old pueblo of Santa Barbara. Donning the mask, he valiantly upheld the traditions of his people by insuring the pareve production of all knishes served in the ring of “La Placita,” and by marking territory with urine.

Soon tiring of these shenanigans, Paul retired his fabled #38 (which to this day, in his honor, still both follows #37 and proceeds #39), and looked forward to a retirement of replacing Burt Mustin in “Leave it to Beaver” episodes.

But it was not to be so, as agents of a foreign power sought Paul out, and once again he was caught in the swirl of international intrigue. Arrested by the Gestapo for writing false and flippant autobiographies, Paul escaped his prison destiny by leaping from the lavatory window of the Orient Local at the Budapest train station. Once more, he found himself unemployable.

Realizing the truth that it’s not what you steal, but whom you steal from, Paul penned the now-famous novella “Bread and Hyacinths” in 1989, which itself was based on work stolen back in the 1920s known as “The Sex Life of the Polyp.”

Today, Paul lives in an abandoned and musty castle far back in the Slovakian highlands, descending only to give select lectures, and refill his precious bottle of homemade Slivovitz.