The Shoe
Which is easier - buying shoes or finding True Love online?
In a previous postI wrote about buying a Handbag online, about selecting exactly what you want, and how online dating is the same process, only a bit more personal.
There is a risk when you buy shoes online; I am a size EU 36 up to a US 6.5, some brands size smaller, some larger, so there is a possibility that when you get the shoes, they won't fit. For anything new, I like the old fashioned "Foot in the Shoe" way of buying shoes. I love looking at shoes. My shoe ritual is to walk up and down the aisles until one pair catches my eye, I will then try them on, look in the mirror and decide then and there whether to buy them.
Dating online is like buying a shoe online, you take your chances that it will be a good "fit", and if not you return the shoes and perhaps try again. Offline in the real world there is "Free Range Dating" you can see the person, converse with them and see if there is a "fit" right away. What you see is what you get. In a social setting we use our instincts to meet people, we know right away if someone has a personality that will clash with ours. If there is a mutual attraction, then it works itself out in a process we have used from the time we were dragging our knuckles and leaving our spoor on rocks and trees.
An example of how online dating can bring you into contact with people you would instinctively avoid in real life is the following email reply sent to a good friend of mine. She's smart, attractive and a breast cancer survivor and an optimist. Her last foray into online dating brought this cringe inducing message from a gentleman that she at first was interesting enough to contact:
Dear _____,
Thank you for your nice email and interest to chat. I am always open to talking.
I must confess that I am really more of a conventional type, who was a single dad for 17 years, and I have learned an aweful lot from "life" and the social interactions of this country....and I have no doubt that I will learn a great deal more before I leave this place, so to speak.
You seem like a VERY nice lady and you'll find me to be very honest and direct.
I have some concerns with your "position" in life. Although I was never a conformist growing up, as it sounds like you were too. It sounds like you never established roots with anyone or made a committment with anyone in that you've never married or had children.
It sounds like you were a party girl most of your life, and that's ok..there seems to be a lot of former party girls(single, never married, no kids but all career) now out in the dating market finally ready to settle down. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to know and possibly entertain the thought, that MOST men, especially decent guys, that think with the heads on their shoulders, instead of their little heads, avoid a 40 + "never married, no children"..like the black plague.
Unfortunately, experience has shown that these kind of folks are usually the ones that always want to be and have been the center of attention...are substantially self centered, quite selfish, and they're never satisfied with anyone or anything except themselves. They usually go through life absent any REAL significance regarding committed relationships, and usually end up in their 40's + reflecting on their empty past now alone.
If you are an exception to the rule and the "standard personality "MO"", then I take my hat off to you with my sincerest congratulations...however, I'm not convinced that I could make any difference in your life, your standards or your lifestyle. It's never my intent to be offensive...just factual, and this is what you and so many of the never married no kids are up against. You have your unconditional love with your dogs....why be bothered with a human being?
I SINCERELY wish you the VERY VERY best.......but we don't match.
Whoa, that message brings on a total body shiver. He's the type that is waiting for the future of low cost robots.
Buying a shoe online is betting on the chance that it fits, and if it doesn't you return it; and when you date online, you are the "shoe". Somewhere out there is a perfect fit for you, either online or offline; they may not be your Cinderella or Prince Charming, but who is? Just keep trying on those shoes, there's a pair out there that will fit you perfectly.
Image: Ophelia Chong /My Shoe
